"Becoming The Person I Don't Want"

i have been so absorbed with my work lately.. or not lately? always. i get to deal with lots of people... hmmm, well, different kinds of people.. i used to have a lot of patience, now i easily get angry and disappointed even with just the smallest things..
years ago, ( oh yeah!! "YEEEARRS AGO"..) i went to a bookstore and tried to find some special paper.. after, i went out to wait for somebody and found myself standing, looking at the many people walking in front of me and instantly realized what a small world i am in.. that i still have a lot of things to learn, meet, see and experience.. my daily life is becoming more like a routine.. you get to smile and greet and do what you have to do... go in , go out. just like that.. i feel i want to go out. or find another job?... or is it a bad decision to make? i want to explore more.. and see what i can do more..
i am becoming the person i don't want.. i have read a phrase from the book entitled "Life's Little Instruction Book"
and i quote: "be decisive even if sometimes you'll be wrong".. i just feel that this is the hardest thing to do for now.. i am the type to just go with the flow.. becoming so decisive makes me irritable and bluntly inconsiderate.. and i don't like it..
i argue with the people i hate to disagree; talk back to people i hate to listen.. and this isn't me at all.. because every time i do this, i feel embarrassed thinking if i hurt those people.. i do not like it at all.. i further realize that this is the main reason why i want to escape my job and go out.. and lead a more hard life? hmmm, this is really quite difficult for me to handle.. or do i just have to continue dealing with it? doesn't make any difference at all, right?

i am counting and counting the days.. looks like i have been waiting for nothing...
should i wait until December comes?
i have wanted to talk about discipline. i guess.. i should really wait until December...

just checkin' out my caffeine level.........haha!!



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You Are Level-Headed and Trustworthy

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Being wise and being happy are in close proximity." This is an insight by Jean Jacque Rousseau of France. if we are unwise, that makes us miserable. The purpose of women is to become wise victors of happiness.

President Toda gave guidance to the Young women that our heart should not be shortsighted, only seeing what is before our very eyes. We should not be farsighted either, only chasing after ideals. Our views should neither be confused nor agonized either, being attached by the complicated contradictions of reality. In life, we must have a correct view. This is what Buddhism expounds. Faith, which is the practice of Buddhism, allows us to correct the perspective of our hearts. It is Buddhist study based on faith that enables us to create and polish this correct view.

Excerpt from Essay: The Light of the Century of Humanity - the Young Rising Sun of the "Century of Women" by Daisaku Ikeda, Nov. 11, 2004