Saturday, June 16, 2012

Moving On

This picture  was taken during the aftermath of typhoon Sendong.
And the picture best describes what I felt during that time.
I want to move on. I decided to put all my thoughts into words and then move on.
Yes, I felt depressed of my situation that time. I felt shattered. I lost all my precious
things - my cd collections, my books (!), my love letters, souvenirs; all my important ( and i really mean IMPORTANT!! T0T)documents were still there but covered with thick mud and well, my clothes. They were destroyed, in a way.
But the best thing that I should appreciate much is that my family is safe.

I was in our culture center when that disaster happened. I received a phone call from
my mother telling me that our house was gone, our dog - dead, and well,
all of them are on top of the roof..

I felt hopeless because I could not do anything for them except to chant.
I just waited until early morning the next day and rushed my way home.
There in our place, I witnessed the horrible effects of the typhoon.
Seeing unidentified dead bodies just across the street really really
broke my heart.
And I cried and hugged my family when I saw them.

It was really  a heartbreaking situation.
Nevertheless, we survived.
I appreciate all my relatives, friends, friends' friends,
for all the support.
Even text messages were enough to console us.

I lost direction of my life.
I lost track of my goal.
But I did not lose hope.
Now it's time to move on.
This time is really for REAL.




Friday, April 20, 2012

Being Judgmental..

 I kept thinking about the way I acted in one of my evening classes in the first semester of last year.. I kind of always try to evaluate myself and reflect on my actions.. But was so surprised when I talked to my dad about what happened in my class..

 The teacher lectured on values.. I somehow cannot remember our topic but it was about values. The students around me were not listening; everyone was like doing their own thing, they were as if not having a class. Seeing that situation,(because I felt that I could not stand it) disappointment started welling out.I stood up and spoke what was inside of my mind- telling them how messed up they were and that they were just wasting time in this class.

 One of my classmates walked out.

 At dinner, I told my dad about it and asked if I was being judgmental. And so he answered, yes, I was being judgmental. It made me think deeply..
 I thought about it again over..
  and contemplated on things..
Because I just cannot accept it being told as one. Thought about not doing it again.. Ever..
Even promised myself, to realize that everyone has the right to shine on their own..
 That I should respect the individuality of each person..
 Again, I thought about this point over and over.. Am I too strict?
 Or rather, am I too restricting? of myself? of others? hmmmmmm,

 "We should not deny other people the opportunity.."

 Maybe if that person is responsible enough..?

 "Don't go on remote control."

 Accountability....