Saturday, August 08, 2009

"Becoming The Person I Don't Want"

i have been so absorbed with my work lately.. or not lately? always. i get to deal with lots of people... hmmm, well, different kinds of people.. i used to have a lot of patience, now i easily get angry and disappointed even with just the smallest things..
years ago, ( oh yeah!! "YEEEARRS AGO"..) i went to a bookstore and tried to find some special paper.. after, i went out to wait for somebody and found myself standing, looking at the many people walking in front of me and instantly realized what a small world i am in.. that i still have a lot of things to learn, meet, see and experience.. my daily life is becoming more like a routine.. you get to smile and greet and do what you have to do... go in , go out. just like that.. i feel i want to go out. or find another job?... or is it a bad decision to make? i want to explore more.. and see what i can do more..
i am becoming the person i don't want.. i have read a phrase from the book entitled "Life's Little Instruction Book"
and i quote: "be decisive even if sometimes you'll be wrong".. i just feel that this is the hardest thing to do for now.. i am the type to just go with the flow.. becoming so decisive makes me irritable and bluntly inconsiderate.. and i don't like it..
i argue with the people i hate to disagree; talk back to people i hate to listen.. and this isn't me at all.. because every time i do this, i feel embarrassed thinking if i hurt those people.. i do not like it at all.. i further realize that this is the main reason why i want to escape my job and go out.. and lead a more hard life? hmmm, this is really quite difficult for me to handle.. or do i just have to continue dealing with it? doesn't make any difference at all, right?

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